Self-reflection

Happy Places

/ Luanne Shernisky / 2 Comments

As I sit here on the pier, on Sunday morning, enjoying a cup of joe, I’ve finally figured out why the beach is my happy place.

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Because everyone here is happy.

This place represents vacation and leisure time, unlike the rest of the world that we live in. Of course, I’m referring to work, the grocery store, gas station, post office, drug store, dry cleaners, and the multitude of other places, where people are hurrying around living their lives in overdrive. And I’m no exception. I get just as caught up in the chaos as everyone else, forgetting to stop and “smell the roses…”

The other folks on the pier are enjoying breakfast and I get an occasional whiff of bacon. I hear their laughter and easy conversation, as they lounge in their chairs the way people do when they’ve got nowhere to be.

Farther out, at the end of the pier, some folks are casting their lines into the water, hoping to catch the evening’s dinner. 

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The sun is shining brightly from a clear, blue sky, causing the waves to sparkle. On those glistening waves, a group of surfers are paddling furiously, trying to catch the next good one. They are young and lithe, sporting skin the color of coconuts. 

On the beach below me is a volleyball game and I’m pleased to see that the four players are middle-aged. They’re pretty skilled with the ball and look like locals. There’s something about the way they focus intently on the game and each other; totally ignoring the two tourists who observe nearby.

The rest of the beach is dotted with various people: runners, walkers, bicyclers, sun worshippers, children playing in the sand, older couples hidden behind paperback books, and an assortment of others, all enjoying the beautiful December weather in Florida.

Despite being diverse and doing different activities, they all have one thing in common:

They’re relaxed and connected and able to really be in the moment.

And that is why it’s a happy place. There’s none of the usual distractions or aggravations. No one has deadlines to meet. Except for the occasional crying baby, everyone appears to be in good spirits. They’re either on vacation or retired. Even the locals are upbeat and friendly, which may be the result of a steady diet of Vitamin D.

Being in the moment is very difficult to do in our modern world. We’re constantly multi-tasking in order to get everything done. We’re so busy thinking about what’s next that we’re not in the now. Meditation and Yoga are booming with people wanting to learn how to relax. They teach us how to focus on our sensory perceptions and nothing else. We have to completely clear our minds of all the clutter and that’s not easy to do. Just ask anyone whose tried it!

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Any destination can provide a restful, leisurely atmosphere. Whether it’s the beach, or the mountains, or even a metropolitan area. The only requirements are that people must be willing to pack the right attitude and leave the stress of daily living at home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A New Kind of December

/ Luanne Shernisky / 3 Comments

Lying poolside in December and basking in 79 degree sunlight is truly a dream come true. After a lifetime of cold, snowy winters, I decided that I wanted to turn in my sherpa lined boots for flip flops.


Sandman SnowmanAs a kid, I loved sled-riding, building snow forts, and ice skating. The frigid temperatures never bothered me and snow days off from school were the icing on the cake!

Fast forward 30+ years and things have certainly changed. The only winter sports I engage in now involve clearing snow from my car and successfully traversing icy sidewalks and parking lots with the hope of not falling down.

I didn’t believe it would ever happen, until my son and daughter-in-law moved to Florida two years ago. When my daughter joined them this past summer, what had seemed unlikely suddenly became a possibility.

Aside from wanting milder winters and more sunshine, there were other things pushing me to move:

  • I  finally earned a college degree and was eager to find employment that would reward that effort both personally and financially. Good jobs in small towns aren’t plentiful, so I would have to consider moving anyway.
  • I spent the last three years helping mom care for my dad who had dementia. He passed away last March, but my mom has grown increasingly dependent on others, in addition to suffering several falls. As the child living the closest, I would (once again) be the main caretaker. This would force me to remain in my current job, for the foreseeable future, without any chance of personal growth.
  • The relationship with my significant other was comfortable in some ways, but after nine years I needed a commitment for more than a dating relationship. Because he was dealing with issues of his own, I believed our future was limited.

So, I side-stepped all my fears and left. I’m currently job searching and am being somewhat particular about which ads I answer. I want my choice of prospective employers to be the right one. I’m enjoying the time off with blogging and other projects that I never found time to do. Lately, I feel guilty about not applying to more positions.

My mom is living with my brother and his wife, which is a much safer situation for her, since he works from home. Because I came to Florida she had to give up her house and move, which she’s not happy about. More guilt.

Within two days of telling my significant other that I was leaving to seek new opportunities, he began the process of change that I had been hoping for. Always loving and supportive, he encouraged me to “spread my wings,” but is hoping that I will return to share a new and improved life with him. Yep, you guessed it…even more guilt.

Lying under this palm tree I’m thinking about how happy I am on one level, yet feeling guilty for the above mentioned reasons. Then it struck me:

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~ Anatole France

I’ve apparently got some self-reflection and work ahead.

Is It OK to Be Needy?

/ Luanne Shernisky / 2 Comments

 

The word “needy” has always gotten a bad rap, but is being needy really such a bad thing?

“Give to the needy,” is a familiar phrase during holiday food and toy drives, with needy referring to those less fortunate than ourselves.

“You’re so needy,” is a statement I’ve heard one person tell another in a variety of circumstances:

  • parent to child
  • partner to partner
  • friend to friend
  • employer to employee

What they’re really saying is, “You’re expecting too much from me” which connotes something negative and refers to a relationship that has gone out of balance. In some cases this is true; but not always.

The video clip features Dr. Sue Johnson, a respected psychologist who specializes in couples therapy. With her is a panel of therapists discussing the issue of neediness between partners. It’s only a bit over six minutes, but touches on the important points of healthy relationships that I believe carry over from specifical couples to ALL relationships:

  • Humans are wired for interdependency
  • Dependency needs vary from family to family; therefore, couples must learn to strike a balance
  • The ability to be a part of a team AND an individual, at the same time, take maturity and skill
  • Oftentimes people view needing another as a sign of weakness when in reality having someone we can trust and rely on makes us stronger
  • Codependency is an unhealthy, out of balance state, whereby one person regulates their emotions based on their partner’s behavior

Healthy relationships

As long as our needs don’t cross over the boundaries of the other person, they’re probably within reason. If our expectations allow them to remain an individual and true to themselves, then that relationship stands a good chance of success!   🙂