Kindness

Kindness Challenge|Week 4: Kindness Role Model

/ Luanne Shernisky / 3 Comments

Inspiring Life.png

Dear Grandma,

When it was suggested, in the 2017 Kindness Challenge, to write a letter to a role model, I immediately thought of you. Your 4 ft. 8 in. frame belied the giant that you truly were. For the 36 years that we spent together, your spirit of generosity and sacrifice never ceased to amaze me. 

As far back as I can remember, you were the happiest when giving to others. Whether it was financial assistance or help of some other kind, you were the first to step up and offer. Your Christian faith and love for God motivated your charitable nature.

I also remember what a hard worker you were. With only a sixth-grade education you had to leave school and go to work as domestic help for more well-to-do households. The money you earned was turned over to your parents to help with expenses for a large, but poor German family.

“In everything, I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  Acts 20:35

Elderly HandsREVYou cleaned, scrubbed, and provided childcare for others and then came home and did some more. You ran errands that involved walking long distances in all kinds of weather. You had to grow up before your time and missed out on the joys of being a kid.

This kind of menial labor continued until you retired at 65. 

Your hands were the reflection of this lifetime of hard work. No smooth, soft skin or manicured nails. No jewelry. Just rough-hewn palms and translucent skin, mottled with age spots and a lacework of veins.  

I recall these hands clearly. Smallish, yet capable of so much. From kneading floured dough to fixing my broken toys to pointing out the Bible verses as I followed along.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”  John 3:16

You didn’t earn much money but managed to save most of it. You lived very simply and wasted nothing, repurposing long before it became fashionable. Clothes and cars were second-hand, but your treatment of others was first-rate. You had very little in the way of material possessions, yet you wanted for nothing.

Despite the many hardships you never became bitter. It’s easy to show kindness and generosity when life has been good. But, it’s not as simple when life has been harsh. We tend to look at others and wonder why we don’t have the same opportunities. 

I never heard you complain about any aspect of your life. Your attitude of gratitude was nothing short of amazing, which is why I consider you a true role model.

I’ve learned to appreciate the basic necessities of life without always wanting something more. You taught me this. I feel sorry for those who define themselves by their material possessions. You explained that they’re trying to fill up the emptiness inside.

You always took pride in your work and reminded me that no matter what the job is we should always do our best. 

Your advice was to try to help others whenever possible and always with a smile. I may not be able to give in large ways, but I try to give in a lot of small ways.

“Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”  2 Corinthians 9: 6-7

The lessons in kindness, generosity, and humility that you always taught by example shaped the very best parts of me and I’ll be forever grateful. Thankful for your love and all that you gave with such a caring heart.

I miss you a lot and hope that you’re proud of my efforts as a daughter, mother, partner, and friend. I try to give my best to all the people in my life, just as you did in yours.

With much love & gratitude…xoxoxo

Kindness Challenge|Week 4: Kindness Role Model

 

Kindness Challenge | Week 1: Cultivating Self-Love

/ Luanne Shernisky / 7 Comments

2017 Kindness Wk 1

Love, like charity, begins at home.

It’s impossible to love others if we don’t love ourselves first. This is the prompt for Week 1 of the Kindness Challenge: to cultivate self-love.

It took a long time for me to learn this important lesson. I always believed that a good person puts the needs of others first. To do otherwise was selfish. 

So, I focused on doing for others and often neglected myself. Who doesn’t love a martyr, right?

That’s not to say that we should shirk our obligations and always put ourselves first; that really would be selfish! But, we have a responsibility to take care of our own needs, as well. 

However, I didn’t understand this and wasn’t able to strike a healthy balance. Occasionally I’d become resentful of the people I sacrificed for when they didn’t seem “grateful enough.”

Eventually, I learned about codependence. This is a relationship where both parties are over dependent on each other. A codependent individual needs to be needed in order to feel okay about themselves. 

Realizing that I was engaging in this type of behavior I began the hard work to change. 

Wants vs Needs

An important first step was to learn the difference between wants and needs. We tend to use these words interchangeably when they actually refer to very different things.

Wants are the things we wish for like tickets to a concert or a new couch. They vary from person to person and change over time. These are the “extras” that make us happy but aren’t necessary to live a meaningful life.

Maslow-HierarchyREVThe excitement we feel in attaining them is somewhat short-lived. As time goes by that initial thrill wanes and they’re replaced with a yearning for the next desire.

The American psychologist Abraham Maslow devised the Hierarchy of Needs. This five level pyramid begins at the bottom with the most basic needs and moves upward toward the final level that he calls self-actualization. It is here that honesty, independence, awareness, objectivity, creativity, and originality reside. 

Maslow’s theory is that only a minority of people are able to self-actualize because it requires these more uncommon qualities.

Needs are those things we must have to live healthy, functional lives. Food, water, and shelter are the obvious physical or objective ones. They remain constant over time. Subjective needs refer to those necessary for good mental health: self-esteem, approval, and a sense of security. 

The ability to differentiate between the two is important in how we prioritize and make choices in everyday life. We’re also better equipped to recognize this ability, or a lack thereof, in other people.  

Self-love

 Self-love is the act of valuing your own happiness and well-being. When we see ourselves as worthy of kindness and compassion, we more easily view others in the same way. 

Love Yourself REVAs an important component of self-esteem, it enables us to have confidence and a positive self-image.

Without it, we feel the need to constantly “measure up” to self-imposed and societal standards. If that doesn’t happen then we feel like failures, unworthy of respect for ourselves and others. 

This challenge is based on the work of Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston. She tells us that self-love is our birthright, that we aren’t required to earn it, but we must believe in it. 

That can be a tall task in today’s world. The race to be smarter, younger-looking, healthier, richer, thinner, etc. is overwhelming. We’re barraged with products and services that can “improve” and make us more successful. 

I followed Niki’s instructions to watch for moments when I didn’t feel good about myself. There were several times throughout the past week and all for different reasons.

GrowthREVHowever, I came up with a positive, simple mantra to remind myself that we should always exercise kindness towards ourselves and others. 

“Growth is ongoing…”

Changing negative behaviors requires diligence and strength, but we must first be aware of the behavior.

Once we identify these unfavorable attitudes towards ourselves we must remember that only through growth can we change.

We always have the opportunity for self-improvement; growth is ongoing as long as we want it to be!

Cultivating self-love requires attention and practice. This will be my focus and hopefully, the moments of negativity will dissipate. The goal is to replace it with a spirit of kindness and caring, not only for myself but others as well!

Week 1 | Self-Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kindness Challenge 2017|Raise The Tide

/ Luanne Shernisky / 7 Comments

KindChallenge 2017Last year I participated in Niki Meadow’s Kindness Challenge offered on her website The Richness of a Simple Life. It was an easy to manage once-a-week post in response to a weekly prompt from Niki. 

I gained valuable insight into how acts of kindness initiate subtle changes in those people at the giving AND receiving ends.

Like any project we undertake, it requires a commitment of time and creative energy. Whether it’s a home improvement task or starting a new exercise regimen, it means sacrificing time away from something else in order to achieve the desired outcome. 

Now that I’ve grown older I value my time more than ever and avoid doing things that don’t enrich my life both spiritually and intellectually. I’ve come to realize that we often do things out of habit or allow other people to dictate how we spend our time. 

In an effort to be more mindful, I pay attention to what my needs and wants are. I’ve learned that they’re not static; that they change from moment to moment and it’s important to consider this when making choices. 

I also learned that nurturing the self is equally as important as nurturing those we love. Kindness, like charity, begins at home and returns greater benefits for everyone.

I found the Kindness Challenge to be both spiritually and intellectually inspiring. It made me think about:

  • the many ways to define kindness
  • the many ways to show kindness
  • how an act of kindness makes me feel
  • how an act of kindness can change a given situation

However, like everything else in life, if we don’t use it we lose it! Our “kindness muscle” needs regular exercise to stay strong and perform reliably. 

The challenge of being mindful and living intentionally is the conscious aspect or always being aware. This can be tough in the fast-paced world we live in today.

With so many distractions it’s easy to lose sight of our priorities. Or we shuffle them around to accommodate too many insignificant activities that don’t truly enhance our lives.

Our external selves rush through the day trying to get everything done, often at the expense of our internal wellness. Meditation and yoga help us slow down and hone our willpower skills, including:

  • Attention
  • Stress management
  • Impulse control
  • Self-awareness

Kindness_Contagious
The Kindness Challenge is another way to live intentionally. By contemplating and writing about ourselves and how we view/express kindness, we learn and grow.

Through acts of conscious benevolence, we can effect positive changes in our relationships with others. 

 

If you’d like to Raise the Tide then sign up for the Kindness Challenge today. The first prompt comes out May 7th!