Fear

Resolution #1 – Positivity

/ Luanne Shernisky / 3 Comments

Negative Positive

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~ Bill Vaughan

With another new year upon us, I’m considering what resolutions I’ll make this time around. It’s easy to fall back on all the old familiar ones:

  • Lose weight
  • Eat more vegetables
  • Cut out sugar
  • Exercise more

However, after giving this some thought, I decided to go a different route.

If you happen to read the news these days you may have noticed how depressing it is. We get a steady diet of violence, crime, poverty, crooked politicians and business people, global warming, etc. I have a tendency to ruminate on the graphic details of gun violence. After the last of many recent mass shootings I had a nightmare; the first one in many years. I wrote a post about it called Scary World, Scary Dreams. 

Happy Sad Faces

It got me thinking about how all this negativity affects our minds and ultimately our moods. During my search on the Internet I found a great article on attn.com called What Negative Thinking Does to Your Brain, written by Kathleen Toohill. It talks about how our brains are wired to have a negativity bias, the effects of negative thinking, and how to shift negative thought patterns. It’s amazing to me that we have the ability to alter the structure of our brains through a process called neuroplasticity. In other words, we can beat the negative bias that evolution programmed into our brains by thinking positive thoughts and participating in positive experiences. Practicing mindfulness, affirmations, meditation, and keeping a gratitude journal are just a few ways to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

Happy among SadAs I compose a short list of new year’s resolutions for 2016 I’m going to add “practice positivity.” I can’t change or prevent the bad stuff from happening, but I can limit the negativity and focus more on the positive aspects of life. There are many inspirational stories out there; you just have to work a bit harder to find them!

Fearless Fantasies

/ Luanne Shernisky / 3 Comments

Fearless Fantasies

FEAR

There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear.  ~ George S. Patton

I’ve always believed that fear is like a double-edged sword. A little bit is a good thing; we stay away from the edge of the cliff and that keeps us safe. Conversely, too much is a bad thing;  it can cripple us, preventing new experiences and growth. The trick is knowing the difference and understanding when fear is appropriate and when it’s debilitating.

Thanks to the almond shaped amygdala, nestled deep in the temporal lobe of the brain, our body generates fear quickly in reaction to external stimuli. The “fight or flight” response kicks in and directs us to either stay and fight the thing that scares us, or run away from it. This physiological reaction is due to a tangible threat: a snake, a bear, an intruder wielding a gun, etc.

At the other end of the spectrum is fear that results from imagined threats. Yes, if we quit our mundane job to pursue our passion we might not make as much money. If we move to another city we might not be happy. If we ask for a raise we might not get it. So, because something bad might happen, we never venture outside our comfort zone.

Skydiving_over_Cushing

Some risks in life are worth taking if we want to grow. Author Susan Jeffers discusses this in her best selling book “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.” Changes are often needed in order to improve our lives, but change is scary. People in abusive relationships will remain in an unhealthy relationship rather than leave their abusers. In spite of the potential for violence, these people cling to what is familiar rather than face the fear of the unknown.

I credit fear with making sure I use a seatbelt, drive defensively, brush my teeth, pay my bills, etc. Fear kept me out of the deep water until I learned to swim. Fear guides me away from those things that I know can be dangerous and threaten my survival. However, I’ve also allowed fear to paralyze me when changes were needed to improve my life.

“Throwing caution to the wind” is something I’ve learned to do over the past ten years, when the circumstances called for it. I’ve made many major changes in my life and there’s been great improvements because of it. Each of those changes caused a certain amount of fear. Understanding which type of fear and whether it’s reasonable for a given situation helps in determining what the next step should be, if any.

Fear is the father of courage and the mother of safety. ~ Henry H. Tweedy

Keeping that double-edged sword close at hand is advisable; knowing how and when to use it is imperative. If you don’t believe me, just ask General Patton!

Scary World, Scary Dreams

/ Luanne Shernisky / 3 Comments

 

It’s been a long time since I had a nightmare. Until last night.

Scary

I’ve been spending a few days at my daughter’s studio apartment, sleeping on an air mattress. Sometime during the night I cried out, making just enough noise to wake her up. I remember her shaking me awake, sounding very fearful, and asking if I were sick. I woke up quickly, like stepping through a doorway from one room to another.

“No, I’m not sick; I was dreaming,” I responded.

When I was a kid, watching scary movies and telling ghost stories were enough to keep me awake at night. I’d clutch the sheets over my head, hoping that if I couldn’t see the Bogey Man he couldn’t see me. Later, as an adolescent, we enjoyed going to the movie theater to see the latest horror flicks. But, by the time I reached my early twenties, I lost the thrill of feeling afraid.

I don’t recall many details about the dream, but I was in a dark house and somebody was pursuing me. I kept trying to get away, going from room to room and looking for a door to get outside. When I couldn’t find one I started looking for places to hide. A couple times they got close enough to reach out and grab me, but I was able to shake them off. I didn’t know who it was, only that they wanted to hurt me and I couldn’t understand why.

Throughout the morning I wondered why I had a bad dream. I didn’t eat anything crazy before bedtime and we watched a couple episodes of Arrested Development, which is a comedic sitcom. I continued to think about it and around lunchtime the realization hit me: the latest round of mass shootings had found their way into my sleeping brain.

Listening to the survivors’ accounts of these killings is enough to give anyone nightmares. My dream correlated with how these events often occur:

  • Someone pursues other people with the intent to hurt them – Whoever was chasing me definitely wanted to hurt me
  • The victims try to find a means of escape – I went through one room after another, looking for a way out
  • If there is no escape they try to hide or hit the floor, pretending  to be dead – I looked for places to hide
  • These victims don’t know who the shooter is or why it’s happening – I was feeling that same thing as I tried to get away

With the amount of violence we’re seeing in this country, it’s not surprising that the fear level is going up. There have been a couple of relatively benign incidents recently that made me nervous; longer ago I wouldn’t have given them a second thought. Today I walked into a very crowded Post Office. As I waited in line, I looked around to see where I could take cover if I had to.

Gone are the days when nightmares were caused by terrifying, fictional creatures in horror movies. The Bogey Man isn’t hiding under the bed anymore; he’s out in society masquerading as an average person, in what is becoming a very scary world.