Seven Easy Ways To Spot Fake People

Fake ButterFake people are like fake butter. They look like the real thing on the surface but just don’t “taste” quite right.

Can you recognize it when you meet them? Being aware of what characteristics to look for will save you both headaches and heartaches later on.

Do you sometimes feel like your own words and actions are less than genuine? Under certain circumstances, we all say and do things that are less than truthful (No, your butt doesn’t look huge in those leopard print, spandex pants that you love so much.)

But, there’s a difference between people who consistently put up a false front and those who do it occasionally to avoid hurt feelings and keep the peace.

The following characteristics are common to folks that disguise their true selves. It’s not an all-inclusive list, but it gives you an idea of who we’re talking about. If you notice these traits then you’re probably dealing with a straight up phony person!

No self-reflection 

Authenticity requires knowing who you really are. This is only achieved through honest self-reflection that addresses the good, the bad, and the ugly. We’re all human and we possess some of each. Being aware of our weaknesses (as well as our strengths) and being able to acknowledge them keeps us honest. People unable to do this are either constantly stressed out trying to attain perfection or mistakenly believe they’re already perfect. Perfection is an impossible goal that no one reaches; better to consistently look for ways to learn and improve.

No transparency

Genuine people exude self-confidence and are unashamed of their mistakes. They have the courage to be sincere about their flaws and this makes them effective leaders. Fake people tend to be followers who are sensitive to criticism, easily threatened, and offended. They’re determined to convince others of their point of view. This is the marker of their insecure self-concept. When they make a mistake they’ll often try to blame someone or something else. This dishonesty varies depending on how insecure the phony person is.

Ulterior motives

While it’s perfectly normal to have goals and aspirations, fake people are extremely self-centered. An agenda of gratifying their own needs and desires come before all others. They aren’t willing to make sacrifices for the collective good unless there’s something in it for them as individuals. They are basically selfish and the pain they inflict on others is justified in their own minds. Authentic people often devote their time and energy towards projects that help others without expecting accolades. 

Critical/Judgemental

Because fake people cannot accept their own imperfections they are quick to judge others. Their feelings of unwarranted superiority enable them to easily criticize others. Honest people realize their faults and know that mistakes are opportunities to learn. They recognize that everyone is human (including themselves) and are willing to grow and help others do the same.

Lack empathy

To feel empathy depends on one’s ability to put themselves in another person’s situation. The Native Americans described this in their well-known proverb:

“Never judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins.”

Fake people, whose focus is always on themselves and how a situation relates to them, doesn’t possess this insight. A lack of empathy directly correlates with being judgemental. Genuine people routinely consider how their actions will affect the people around them and make their choices accordingly.

Closed minded

Real people are open to different ideas and willing to listen and hear another person’s viewpoint.

Disingenuous folks tend to be set in their ways, which breeds intolerance and ignorance. They prefer to do things the familiar way rather than risk looking less than perfect by trying to learn a new way. And there’s a distinct difference between listening and hearing. You can listen to someone without ever truly hearing them. Knowing that difference is something sincere people understand.

No listening skills

Genuine people are interested in the truth even when it hurts. They are willing to consider other viewpoints despite being contradictory to their own. Their goal is to learn and develop in positive ways. Fake people are consumed with keeping up their carefully crafted image. Being vulnerable requires courage and inner strength, which they don’t have. They’re not interested in hearing any messages that oppose their position and this correlates with being closed-minded.


Okay, so maybe you’re vegan or have a medical condition that prevents you from enjoying real butter.

However, when it comes to people you’ll be a lot healthier if you limit your exposure to the cheap imitations. Authentic folks encourage us to be our best selves even when that’s not easy. Even when it takes a lot of time, energy, and involves personal sacrifice.

My father-in-law had a saying: “It’s hard to soar with the eagles when you’re flying with the pigeons.”

That can apply to different scenarios but advises us to surround ourselves with people we admire and respect. Overall, we’ll be happier and our chances for growth and success are much greater. 


 

 

 

 

 

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Kindness Challenge|Week 4: Kindness Role Model

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Dear Grandma,

When it was suggested, in the 2017 Kindness Challenge, to write a letter to a role model, I immediately thought of you. Your 4 ft. 8 in. frame belied the giant that you truly were. For the 36 years that we spent together, your spirit of generosity and sacrifice never ceased to amaze me. 

As far back as I can remember, you were the happiest when giving to others. Whether it was financial assistance or help of some other kind, you were the first to step up and offer. Your Christian faith and love for God motivated your charitable nature.

I also remember what a hard worker you were. With only a sixth-grade education you had to leave school and go to work as domestic help for more well-to-do households. The money you earned was turned over to your parents to help with expenses for a large, but poor German family.


“In everything, I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  Acts 20:35


Elderly HandsREVYou cleaned, scrubbed, and provided childcare for others and then came home and did some more. You ran errands that involved walking long distances in all kinds of weather. You had to grow up before your time and missed out on the joys of being a kid.

This kind of menial labor continued until you retired at 65. 

Your hands were the reflection of this lifetime of hard work. No smooth, soft skin or manicured nails. No jewelry. Just rough-hewn palms and translucent skin, mottled with age spots and a lacework of veins.  

I recall these hands clearly. Smallish, yet capable of so much. From kneading floured dough to fixing my broken toys to pointing out the Bible verses as I followed along.


“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”  John 3:16

You didn’t earn much money but managed to save most of it. You lived very simply and wasted nothing, repurposing long before it became fashionable. Clothes and cars were second-hand, but your treatment of others was first-rate. You had very little in the way of material possessions, yet you wanted for nothing.

Despite the many hardships you never became bitter. It’s easy to show kindness and generosity when life has been good. But, it’s not as simple when life has been harsh. We tend to look at others and wonder why we don’t have the same opportunities. 

I never heard you complain about any aspect of your life. Your attitude of gratitude was nothing short of amazing, which is why I consider you a true role model.

I’ve learned to appreciate the basic necessities of life without always wanting something more. You taught me this. I feel sorry for those who define themselves by their material possessions. You explained that they’re trying to fill up the emptiness inside.

You always took pride in your work and reminded me that no matter what the job is we should always do our best. 

Your advice was to try to help others whenever possible and always with a smile. I may not be able to give in large ways, but I try to give in a lot of small ways.


“Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”  2 Corinthians 9: 6-7


The lessons in kindness, generosity, and humility that you always taught by example shaped the very best parts of me and I’ll be forever grateful. Thankful for your love and all that you gave with such a caring heart.

I miss you a lot and hope that you’re proud of my efforts as a daughter, mother, partner, and friend. I try to give my best to all the people in my life, just as you did in yours.

With much love & gratitude…xoxoxo